Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
