meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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