Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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