Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize