I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
