To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
