he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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