It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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