i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
