New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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