Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
