they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
