It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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