I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
