so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
