Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You just made me feel so damn special
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
