Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
