broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
