I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up under a house in Key West
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