oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
