he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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