Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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