been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
