There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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