I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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