Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
