Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
