She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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