Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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