Already got asked if we're dating
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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