I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
