Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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