he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
