Will you blow on my dice?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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