I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
