They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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