I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
