Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
