Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
