why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
