So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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