He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
