dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
