just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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