I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
