It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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