alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
