I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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