If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
