i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
