Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
