Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
