hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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