Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
