He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
