Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
