I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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