No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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