Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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