Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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