So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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