Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
