i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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