My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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