Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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