i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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