I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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