i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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