So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
