im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
