Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
