Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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