Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
