You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
